THE FUNNY SIDE
The wearing of dentures is certainly no joke. Most of those who wear dentures do not like people poking fun at their misfortune. However, every joke that has ever been told is undoubtedly at someone's expense. But there is a vast difference between at laughing with someone and laughing at someone. In "THE FUNNY SIDE" we take a humorous look at dentures and dentistry in general. It is not the intention of this site to offend anyone and I apologise to those of you who may be offended. So, dentured and undentured people alike, sit back and enjoy THE FUNNY SIDE of dentures.
Two old drinking buddies were wasting a few hours on a fine Sunday afternoon fishing off the end of their local pier.In a sudden burst of fishing activity, one of them loses his false teeth over the edge, and sees them heading straight into the water.
The other fellow, a quick thinker, or so he thought, decides to play a trick on the old bugger with the missing dentures, and removes his own false teeth and hooks them onto his mates line, gives it a tug, then proceeds to throw the line, with his false teeth attached, back into the water.
The old fella with no teeth jumps to his feet after noticing some activity on his line. He reels in the line, and finds a set of false teeth, not unlike his own, firmly attached to the hook.
"Well, what do ya know ? I've just lost my false teeth, and almost straight away, I catch a set on the end of my line.
His mate, the one responsible for the prank, shows great excitement, and asks the lucky angler to try them to see if they fit.
"Nope, definitely not mine."
So, like any good fisherman would do, he throws them back in.
It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him, he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake you head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
A lady goes to the dentist. In the chair, the dentist notices a little brown spot on one of her teeth.
"Aha, caries! I'll have to drill this one out!" says the dentist.
"Oh no, I'd rather have a child!!!" cries the lady.
"In that case, let me adjust the chair first," replies the dentist.
A man goes to the dentist. The dentist asks,
"Did you have oral sex last night sir."
"Yes," replies the man, "as a matter of fact I did, but how could you tell?"
"Did you smell it off my breath," he asks.
"No," replies the dentist.
"Do I have a rash on my chin?" he enquires.
"No," replies the dentist again.
"Well how could you tell that I had oral sex last night then?"
"You've got a pubic hair caught between your teeth," the dentist replies.
A woman goes to the dentist. When he bows to begin to work, she grabs his balls.
The dentist says, "Mrs, I believe you have taken my private zone."
The woman answers, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."
Why are dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer?
Patient: I have yellow dentures, what should I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie.
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realised that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of false teeth.
"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another set, try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more set, try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."
John goes to visit his Granny in hospital. He brings his friend, Peter with him. While he's talking to his Granny, his friend starts to eat the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, Peter says to John's Granny, "Thanks for the peanuts." Granny says, "Thanks for nothing. Since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."
A Canadian businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to Toyota. It was an especially important deal and it was imperative that he made the best possible impression.
On the morning of the presentation he woke up to find himself passing large volumes of gas. Every time he did, it sounded like "Honda."
The man was beside himself. Every few minutes "HONDA"! "HONDA"! It wouldn't stop.
In desperation he called in a doctor. After a full examination, the doctor said that there was nothing wrong with him. He would "just have to wait it out."
Being unwilling to accept this state of affairs the man went to a second and then a third doctor.
They all told him the same thing.
Finally one medic suggested that he visit a dentist.
Low and behold, the dentist said, "Ah, there's the problem!"
"What is it?" the man asked.
"Why you have an abscess," said the dentist.
"An abscess. How could that be causing my problem?" asked the man.
"That's easy," replied the dentist.
"Abscess makes the fart go Honda."
A man went to his dentist. There was something wrong in his mouth.
The dentist examined him and said, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replied, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."
"Well," said the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asked the patient.
The dentist replied, "because there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"